Letter to Dilliwaalo – Part 2

Dear Dilliwaalo

Pranaam yet again.

Ok let me tell you this, I had no plans to write a third letter to you, after my first two, Letter to Dilliwaalo, and Letter to ‘Oh My God’, but this forced me to. Yes, this is hilarious and true to the core; its just that I got this thing recently.

This thing is the Map of India. And this ain’t an ordinary map. This is YOUR MAP of INDIA. And believe me you, I didn’t make that. But whoever did it, it’s just so awesome – short, sweet and mapped. All credits of the picture to you – who-so-ever you are.

Dilliwaalo ka Map

For less humiliation that you might feel, I will not go through each and every state or rather your each and every thought about the states – only a select few. And I get t choose those few cause this is my blog. Hope you understand.

So lets start from the top. Caashmeer (I prefer calling it Jammu & Kashmir) is DANGER. Yaa, why not. Looking at the current scenario, it will definitely reinforce your belief that this place is the most dangerous place to be. Cant really blame it on you. Considering your mental capacity and the situation, a sound healthy mind like Shobha De can also go haywire. However, this has not always been the case and for once, this land was also known as the Heaven on Earth. Though everyone in the state has now learnt the almost forgotten, the primitive and most elementary route of resisting anything good – STONE PELTING, making it more of a hell and sending people to heaven straightaway, is altogether a different thing. And also, let me extend my whole-hearted thanks to very intelligent and super-great gentlemen like Mirwaiz Umar Farooq, Yasin Malik et al, for bringing back the lost glory of the state – not forgetting the title sponsors – PAKISTAN.

Coming further down, its the states of UP & Uttranchal – The grand dads of India. But for you, its from where all the autowaale bhaiya’s come from. This might be true to a certain extent but not all. Yes, we are the largest and the biggest but we are better and way above what you guys think you are. Very recently I poured my heart out on your intelligence. Read it here – Educated or Literate. So everything having said and done, I will move on.

The current states of Gujarat & Rajasthan is Gujjar Meena belt which needs some strict highway patrolling. Recently, the complete Gujjar Meena belt were in the news because of their most aggressive demand of reservation. Yes, they also need some trains and reservation in them but they wanted reservation in whatever their government offers…whatever means whatever..jobs, no jobs, toilets, seats, roads, news, views…anything. And yes, more recently they were in the news for CWG. No they did not partner Kalamadi but they partnered India to bring it to No#2 in the medals tally. But leave it, I know, YOU DON’T CARE.

Nepal is for domestic help. Agreed. They had the royal family and the rest scaled Mt. Everest, or are domestic help, or guard your homes. Agreed. I rest my point.

Moving to further east, yes, that’s the land of Chinky’s. You might not know how and why was this term coined but you use…cause you are just so cool. But wait, because I am a good man and God’s sent me on a mission to let the world know of the real Delhites…here it is. According to Wikipedia, Chink or sometimes Chinki is a racial slur referring mainly to a person of Chinese ethnicity but sometimes generalized to refer to any person of East Asian descent. But its ok…I understand. You’ve just got no time to get into the details. So done. Point made.

Gujarat- the land of Hindu extremists, Gandhi baba, Modi & BJP, Dandiya, earthquake and Dhokla. Am I forgetting something…no…or in fact yes….Jassi’s phamous song…Dil lai gayi…that has grooved numerous late night parties of yours.

Moving on, East & South East of India is the Land of Maos. All Lal Salams and kidnapping and killing happening. And everything below that is Madras. Yes there is a small place called Bangalore, now also called as Bengaluru. Now that is such a ‘suck-all’ name but can’t help. I didn’t do it.

So here I conclude my case and leave it on you to decide. But a bigger question, I think, for you will be, To Be Or Not To Be, the way you are.

Take Care.


Excuse Me? Literate and not Educated

Image courtsey - beforegraduation.com

To be Literate or to be Educated - That's the question

While I always knew there was a very-very thin line between being educated and being literate and there were major overlaps of sorts happening in every part of our lives, but recently I came across a deadly of what can be called an educated mistake, literally.

Shuruat – All this started with the Delhi Metro reserving its first coach for the Ladies from the 1 Oct. Yes, reservation again and Ladies again and discrimination again – Sigh! But my point extends beyond such petty issues. Somehow I have got used to these small & big reservation movements and properly understood that the only one place I can seek and get a reservation are the railways and airways and I fight for these places only. So back to my point, while I was agitated with the whole blocking of an entire coach for the ladies, and with the ugly pink-stickers on the stations saying ‘Kewal mahilaye’, I just wanted that if such a reservation is made, let the rest of the coaches be ‘only-male’ and let ladies not enter those. And also, just for the sake of my understanding, thought that the reason behind such a move of the Delhi Metro was convenience and comfort and not anything else. However, in one such conversation with a colleague, I was told that ‘Safety & Security’ was another major concern. Though a little startled with this, I went on to ask why the women (in the metro) considered themselves prone and exposed to risk and un-safe conditions…what was it and who was responsible for it? And then the Cloudburst happened, and not demeaning any tragedy but I think, it was equally bad as the Leh Clouburst if not worse.

Shocked I was -I was told that all this effort was made to save women from getting raped. Yes Rape was the reason. And there I was thrown and ripped apart, soaked in sweat and blood, with the worst or best (still figuring out) reasoning heard ever. But while I was about to die of the shocker, an even more bizarre reasoning was thrown at me. And this move of the Delhi Metro was more so to save the Delhi women from getting raped by men from UP and Bihar. *faints*

Sick is the word for you, darling. And if this is the education levels of the so-called educated and elite Delhites then LORD Save the Delhi.

Right..we are for UP or Bihar and both for me…so how does that make us rapists. How? Does statistics say so? No, I don’t see any numbers proving that point. And I also know, it’s all in the mind. Guys, and especially dearest Delhites..We are from the same country and for God’s sake, understand that we eat, drink, and breathe what you do. Then why?

I am dead – Whatever good or bad may happen to the people of UP & Bihar…We are way ahead of you all when it comes to the mind. And we might not be literate..but we definitely are much-much more educated than you guys.

GOD bless you all!

Letter to Dilliwaalo

Dear Respected Dilliwaalo,

Yeah...I am the KING...and excuse me...who's NAKED?

I write to you on behalf of the Rest of India (which definitely does not include the phamous thok-re’s of Maharashtra. They are above and beyond mediocrity which is an integral character trait of an average normal Indian). Let me make something very-very clear that this is not a Delhi bashing trip in any way. It’s just to let you what the Rest of India had always wanted to tell you but just could not because we were so stuck with our own problems that we did not get the opportunity to express our deep heartfelt feeling. Also, by what I know of Delhi and its responsible, loving and caring residents, the rest of India for them does not extend beyond Jaipur (Rajasthan), Noida, Agra (UP), and Gurgaon, Chandigarh (Haryana). Or else they skip the entire length and breadth of India to reach Bombay (aahh…sorry Mumbai I meant); no Bangalore stands no chance and Madras is anyways out of India into the Indian Ocean, close to Sri Lanka. For a detailed and more elaborate look at the India through eyes of a Delhite, have a look at this. And believe me, all this is not made up but a confession made by many Delhites I have now known for years.

So now that I have set the context straight, let me start.

Let me put first things first and make one point very clear. Delhi was not made the capital of India because this place or its residents (read as YOU) were extra-qualified or you emerged as the winner of some popularity contest.
Someone somewhere decided that you shall get everything and you got. Also, if you pay a little detailed attention to the structure and infrastructure you have, only the Bahai’s temple (Lotus Temple) and the Delhi Metro are the only two things that are post-independence landmarks in the city. So this ends here.

Also, while I totally understand that you are the most educated and elite class of people who GOD has ever produced (I love to believe what you believe; and this is just to make yourself comfortable). However, without going by the word, one thing that caught my attention on 22 Aug. 2007 1400 hrs, is that the main way of addressing people here is with the greeting B***C***” [will now be referred to as pain-cho] (no offense; I personally am a ‘once-in-a-while’ abuser and that extreme points like these come annually into my life). This is the most-frequently-used word in Delhi and should be used multiple times even in a 10 word-long sentence. It’s considered rude if you do not start a conversation with this word. Some examples for your reference: pain-cho mood kharab kar diya in pain-cho ne. And this ends here.

Now coming to the brighter side of Delhi. Brighter side because Delhi has been most in the news for all these reason. Delhi recently won some international award for largest no. of rapes within city limits and most chaotic traffic system. Also, something which is still called the ‘Lifeline of Delhi’ more so because it keeps a check on the life’s of Delhites – BLUELINE which consists of city buses and whose job is to take people from one place to the other; even from the Earth to heavenly abode. The last thing of Delhi that I can remember are the ever-phamous Momos on every crossing.

And last but in no ways the least, presenting before you – Dilli ki sardi and garmi. Now this interesting; kids in Delhi have their counting from 0 – 48 intact and on finger-tips. It’s because it’s the range of temperature that teaches you and can make you a master at it, within just 4 months. FREE FREE FREE

Ok and I also wanted to mention about the Delhi MMS clip and the joy’s attached to it. But never mind…next time.
Kyunki…picture abhi baaki hai mere dost..!!!

And yes before you thank me for the enlightenment, I shall do it.

Thank you,

Aapka agyakaari mitr

And I am so sure you will thank me for all the above enlightenement!!