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Letter to Dilliwaalo – Part 2

October 17, 2010 3 comments

Dear Dilliwaalo

Pranaam yet again.

Ok let me tell you this, I had no plans to write a third letter to you, after my first two, Letter to Dilliwaalo, and Letter to ‘Oh My God’, but this forced me to. Yes, this is hilarious and true to the core; its just that I got this thing recently.

This thing is the Map of India. And this ain’t an ordinary map. This is YOUR MAP of INDIA. And believe me you, I didn’t make that. But whoever did it, it’s just so awesome – short, sweet and mapped. All credits of the picture to you – who-so-ever you are.

Dilliwaalo ka Map

For less humiliation that you might feel, I will not go through each and every state or rather your each and every thought about the states – only a select few. And I get t choose those few cause this is my blog. Hope you understand.

So lets start from the top. Caashmeer (I prefer calling it Jammu & Kashmir) is DANGER. Yaa, why not. Looking at the current scenario, it will definitely reinforce your belief that this place is the most dangerous place to be. Cant really blame it on you. Considering your mental capacity and the situation, a sound healthy mind like Shobha De can also go haywire. However, this has not always been the case and for once, this land was also known as the Heaven on Earth. Though everyone in the state has now learnt the almost forgotten, the primitive and most elementary route of resisting anything good – STONE PELTING, making it more of a hell and sending people to heaven straightaway, is altogether a different thing. And also, let me extend my whole-hearted thanks to very intelligent and super-great gentlemen like Mirwaiz Umar Farooq, Yasin Malik et al, for bringing back the lost glory of the state – not forgetting the title sponsors – PAKISTAN.

Coming further down, its the states of UP & Uttranchal – The grand dads of India. But for you, its from where all the autowaale bhaiya’s come from. This might be true to a certain extent but not all. Yes, we are the largest and the biggest but we are better and way above what you guys think you are. Very recently I poured my heart out on your intelligence. Read it here – Educated or Literate. So everything having said and done, I will move on.

The current states of Gujarat & Rajasthan is Gujjar Meena belt which needs some strict highway patrolling. Recently, the complete Gujjar Meena belt were in the news because of their most aggressive demand of reservation. Yes, they also need some trains and reservation in them but they wanted reservation in whatever their government offers…whatever means whatever..jobs, no jobs, toilets, seats, roads, news, views…anything. And yes, more recently they were in the news for CWG. No they did not partner Kalamadi but they partnered India to bring it to No#2 in the medals tally. But leave it, I know, YOU DON’T CARE.

Nepal is for domestic help. Agreed. They had the royal family and the rest scaled Mt. Everest, or are domestic help, or guard your homes. Agreed. I rest my point.

Moving to further east, yes, that’s the land of Chinky’s. You might not know how and why was this term coined but you use…cause you are just so cool. But wait, because I am a good man and God’s sent me on a mission to let the world know of the real Delhites…here it is. According to Wikipedia, Chink or sometimes Chinki is a racial slur referring mainly to a person of Chinese ethnicity but sometimes generalized to refer to any person of East Asian descent. But its ok…I understand. You’ve just got no time to get into the details. So done. Point made.

Gujarat- the land of Hindu extremists, Gandhi baba, Modi & BJP, Dandiya, earthquake and Dhokla. Am I forgetting something…no…or in fact yes….Jassi’s phamous song…Dil lai gayi…that has grooved numerous late night parties of yours.

Moving on, East & South East of India is the Land of Maos. All Lal Salams and kidnapping and killing happening. And everything below that is Madras. Yes there is a small place called Bangalore, now also called as Bengaluru. Now that is such a ‘suck-all’ name but can’t help. I didn’t do it.

So here I conclude my case and leave it on you to decide. But a bigger question, I think, for you will be, To Be Or Not To Be, the way you are.

Take Care.

Excuse Me? Literate and not Educated

October 17, 2010 4 comments

Image courtsey - beforegraduation.com

To be Literate or to be Educated - That's the question

While I always knew there was a very-very thin line between being educated and being literate and there were major overlaps of sorts happening in every part of our lives, but recently I came across a deadly of what can be called an educated mistake, literally.

Shuruat – All this started with the Delhi Metro reserving its first coach for the Ladies from the 1 Oct. Yes, reservation again and Ladies again and discrimination again – Sigh! But my point extends beyond such petty issues. Somehow I have got used to these small & big reservation movements and properly understood that the only one place I can seek and get a reservation are the railways and airways and I fight for these places only. So back to my point, while I was agitated with the whole blocking of an entire coach for the ladies, and with the ugly pink-stickers on the stations saying ‘Kewal mahilaye’, I just wanted that if such a reservation is made, let the rest of the coaches be ‘only-male’ and let ladies not enter those. And also, just for the sake of my understanding, thought that the reason behind such a move of the Delhi Metro was convenience and comfort and not anything else. However, in one such conversation with a colleague, I was told that ‘Safety & Security’ was another major concern. Though a little startled with this, I went on to ask why the women (in the metro) considered themselves prone and exposed to risk and un-safe conditions…what was it and who was responsible for it? And then the Cloudburst happened, and not demeaning any tragedy but I think, it was equally bad as the Leh Clouburst if not worse.

Shocked I was -I was told that all this effort was made to save women from getting raped. Yes Rape was the reason. And there I was thrown and ripped apart, soaked in sweat and blood, with the worst or best (still figuring out) reasoning heard ever. But while I was about to die of the shocker, an even more bizarre reasoning was thrown at me. And this move of the Delhi Metro was more so to save the Delhi women from getting raped by men from UP and Bihar. *faints*

Sick is the word for you, darling. And if this is the education levels of the so-called educated and elite Delhites then LORD Save the Delhi.

Right..we are for UP or Bihar and both for me…so how does that make us rapists. How? Does statistics say so? No, I don’t see any numbers proving that point. And I also know, it’s all in the mind. Guys, and especially dearest Delhites..We are from the same country and for God’s sake, understand that we eat, drink, and breathe what you do. Then why?

I am dead – Whatever good or bad may happen to the people of UP & Bihar…We are way ahead of you all when it comes to the mind. And we might not be literate..but we definitely are much-much more educated than you guys.

GOD bless you all!

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