Archive for September, 2010

A Letter to ‘Oh My God’!

September 19, 2010 5 comments

Dear Oh My God!

Dandwatt Pranaam.
(FYI-DandwattPranaam is saying hello in the complete inverted sleeping position. I do it on several occasions. It saves a lot of time…neend ki neend..pranaam ka pranaam..!!!)


Ok. So I am writing to you Lord, because some time back I did something grave; I wrote a letter, Letter to Dilliwaalo. The writing of the letter was not a mistake but the fact that I missed many peculiar habits of Dilliwala’s is such that since then, I have not been able to live peacefully. The sheer feeling of the fact that I left the world deprived of something which was so essential and important for the world to know, more from the social awareness point of view than anything else, had given me many sleepless nights. I am here to correct my misdeed and let the world know of the greatness, that is Dilliwaale. Allow Me pliss…!!!

So let me start, or rather re-start by saying that, for the sake of clarity, I have divided Delhi janta into Dilliawala’s and Dilliwaali’s. And I take this privilege to start with Dilliwala’s. Now, Dilliwalas have the most loose eye-sockets. It hangs out at least half a feet out whenever they see good smart hot pants belonging to the opposite sex. I understand that this frustrated and sexually-deprived breed cant be entirely blamed for this. There sexual deprivation was at one-point-of-time, the most talked about thing of Dilli after the deadly bluelines creating red-lines all over. Their sexual frustration made it to the national and international headlines. Also, Dilliwaali’s are a very good plush breed of hot pants; even I fall from them at times but I have restrained from them more-or-less.

The second point that I would lowe to make about the Dilliwala’s-Dilliwaali’s is that come what may, whether they have a proper place stay or not, they will try and have the most expensive car available. Also, whether there is parking space outside their palace (pun intended; did you get it? There is no practical possibility of a palace in Delhi; specially after the CWG happened to the city…but yaa, we can look at another fly-over, if you wish) or even in the vicinity, but that super car has to be there. And believe me you, my chotu car stands right besides that big big car—shining smiling bright.)

OK I am very very emotional now. ‘Oh My God’, please help me.

So my third point. This is not a point but my urge to you. Considering your limited of knowledge of the sub-continental geography (no it is in no way related to the sub-continental food), you must try and learn more and more about your country; yes, I am talking about India, that’s the name. I know that you have the Parliament House, The Rashtrapati Bhawan, The Qutab Minar, and The Metro; and now to you also have CWG, but all that is because your land is national capital. However, the world or for that matter our country is huge, large and great, and I think you should try and learn more about it. And this request of mine goes beyond knowing what you already know. For example, not every person who is from Noida or from any other part of the state of Uttar Pradesh or Bihar is a thief or can be used for a servant. In fact to learn more about these states, start with going through google maps and finding out where exactly these two integral part of the country lie. There is more to UP than just Noida and Taj Mahal and more to Bihar than Lalu Yadav.
And yes, both these states, specially Bihar, may be the labour colony of the world. But this is not because its their fault or mis(h)take. Its just that our political masters chose to bring some of us to the level that you are and some were deprived.

With this, I rest my case ‘Oh My Lord’. Now it is for you to decide the guilty. [oho too much ho gaya!]

Aapka param bhakt!

Letter to Dilliwaalo

September 6, 2010 6 comments

Dear Respected Dilliwaalo,

Yeah...I am the KING...and excuse me...who's NAKED?

I write to you on behalf of the Rest of India (which definitely does not include the phamous thok-re’s of Maharashtra. They are above and beyond mediocrity which is an integral character trait of an average normal Indian). Let me make something very-very clear that this is not a Delhi bashing trip in any way. It’s just to let you what the Rest of India had always wanted to tell you but just could not because we were so stuck with our own problems that we did not get the opportunity to express our deep heartfelt feeling. Also, by what I know of Delhi and its responsible, loving and caring residents, the rest of India for them does not extend beyond Jaipur (Rajasthan), Noida, Agra (UP), and Gurgaon, Chandigarh (Haryana). Or else they skip the entire length and breadth of India to reach Bombay (aahh…sorry Mumbai I meant); no Bangalore stands no chance and Madras is anyways out of India into the Indian Ocean, close to Sri Lanka. For a detailed and more elaborate look at the India through eyes of a Delhite, have a look at this. And believe me, all this is not made up but a confession made by many Delhites I have now known for years.

So now that I have set the context straight, let me start.

Let me put first things first and make one point very clear. Delhi was not made the capital of India because this place or its residents (read as YOU) were extra-qualified or you emerged as the winner of some popularity contest.
Someone somewhere decided that you shall get everything and you got. Also, if you pay a little detailed attention to the structure and infrastructure you have, only the Bahai’s temple (Lotus Temple) and the Delhi Metro are the only two things that are post-independence landmarks in the city. So this ends here.

Also, while I totally understand that you are the most educated and elite class of people who GOD has ever produced (I love to believe what you believe; and this is just to make yourself comfortable). However, without going by the word, one thing that caught my attention on 22 Aug. 2007 1400 hrs, is that the main way of addressing people here is with the greeting B***C***” [will now be referred to as pain-cho] (no offense; I personally am a ‘once-in-a-while’ abuser and that extreme points like these come annually into my life). This is the most-frequently-used word in Delhi and should be used multiple times even in a 10 word-long sentence. It’s considered rude if you do not start a conversation with this word. Some examples for your reference: pain-cho mood kharab kar diya in pain-cho ne. And this ends here.

Now coming to the brighter side of Delhi. Brighter side because Delhi has been most in the news for all these reason. Delhi recently won some international award for largest no. of rapes within city limits and most chaotic traffic system. Also, something which is still called the ‘Lifeline of Delhi’ more so because it keeps a check on the life’s of Delhites – BLUELINE which consists of city buses and whose job is to take people from one place to the other; even from the Earth to heavenly abode. The last thing of Delhi that I can remember are the ever-phamous Momos on every crossing.

And last but in no ways the least, presenting before you - Dilli ki sardi and garmi. Now this interesting; kids in Delhi have their counting from 0 – 48 intact and on finger-tips. It’s because it’s the range of temperature that teaches you and can make you a master at it, within just 4 months. FREE FREE FREE

Ok and I also wanted to mention about the Delhi MMS clip and the joy’s attached to it. But never mind…next time.
Kyunki…picture abhi baaki hai mere dost..!!!

And yes before you thank me for the enlightenment, I shall do it.

Thank you,

Aapka agyakaari mitr

And I am so sure you will thank me for all the above enlightenement!!

Categories: Delhi, India, Letter's Tags: , ,

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